Marriage is a funny thing isn't it. I am reflecting on my marriage this morning. I love Eric more today than I did yesterday. But there are some days I just sit back and laugh and say really... how did the two most strong willed, self centered, control freak people get together. Our marriage is BY NO MEANS PERFECT... actually I hate when people fake the perfect marriage. I am confident that they are not doing this right.
When Eric and I were at Focus we read a book (and have reread this book several times) called Scared Marriage. It is life changing. The underlying theme is "what if marriage were to make you holy instead of happy". That has stuck with me over the years, but yet I still look for my marriage to make me happy. I even said to a friend who told me she was getting married because he made her "happy", "when i was 7 I slept with Rainbow Bright because she made me happy, I'm not sleeping with her tonight". It's true, I don't wake up every morning happy. I wake up tired, worried about bills, without patience for my 2 year old, wondering whats for dinner, and all the other things that haunt me.
Over the past couple weeks I think it would be fair to say that you could define my existence as LAZY. Sure I would go, and I would do, but the spark was NOT there. It seemed like EVERYTHING was a chore, so I let it go. First I let my quite time go, not being in the WORD effects who I am and allows Satan to target me, then I let my house go, then I let my marriage coast, it was like I was on auto pilot. Last night Eric and I had a "heated converstation" if you will.... and I was really convicted about my laziness. It had gotten out of hand, and it had hurt him.
I couldn't sleep much last night I as processed this.... I couldn't believe I had gotten to this point. So I just pleaded with God, pick me up by my boot straps and be the strenght that gets me through today. That all I need, his grace is suffienct. I love my husband, he is good to me, he cares for me, he gets on my nerves, he makes me laugh, he works hard, and the list about him could go on. But in my own self centeredness I was only looking to the intrest of Kendra... YIKES. That is a slippery slope my friend.
So today I am going to be a servant wife. It is kinda hard right now because we are still trying to recover from our "heated conversation". Eric is not one to quickly let go and move on. So I feel like I keep trying and serving, and getting no response. But I am not going to let that stop me. So I write all of this to ask you, my blog friends to hold me accountable. Will you pray that I can be a servant wife, who is not self seeking, and who places a high priority on her husband over herself? This huge for me. I cannot do it alone... so I ask you to cover me. In return, how can I pray for your marraige or relationship? I want to be the person who stands in the gap for you, even if it is something little, let me know. Marraige is so important, it is the insitution that God uses to make us HOLY, like Him.
3 comments:
Kendra, I couldn't have stumbled across this post at a better time. I, too, am struggling with laziness & looking out for my own interests in a current situation we are in. I will pray for you. Will you pray that I will let God take care of the details I feel like I have to control to make things happen the way I want them to? Thanks! (By the way, I had to laugh that it says, "Scared Marriage" instead of "Sacred." =)
Kendra,thank you for your honesty and I totally understand. I feel the same way and I am still in LEX with my family. When I moved away it was soooo much harder for me to be a servant to my sweet husband. He was working full-time and would come home to me lying on the couch still in my PJ's with nothing for dinner. I was thinking all about me and nothing about this amazing man. I will prayfor you friend. I love ya.
Papa says, after 59 years (!): "Hang on tight! It WILL get better... and better... and..."
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